Guy is suffering from hangover because beer is gone

Hangovers, they are a pain in the arse aren’t they?

What has become ever so apparent to me in recent months and years is that the saying ‘they get worse as you get older’ is very fuckin true.

I like a drink, and I’d like to think I can handle my ale, but I don’t see it as a competition or something to be proud of that I can ‘hold my own’ in a round or drink a pint quite quickly. I have drank similar sort of drinks over the years – your standard lagers and the odd spirit, and I have to admit I am parcial to a bit of wine too (loss of man points, I know, I know) but recently even after just a few sherbets and something to eat, I find myself struggling to get going at all the following day.

Struggling to get up is not great when you have got to go to work (if your naughty and drink on a school night), but I have noticed of late how sometimes I quite literally have to peel myself off the canvas, scramble round for my glasses and somehow compose myself, as I come to terms with the fact that the rest of my day will consist of water, moaning and a large dose of reality. Like a caveman emerging into the light for the very first time, a quivvering mess of man stinking of something that resembles the kitchens at the Shangri-La. Water water water, just wanna feel normal again. Chewies, Lucozade, help.

I am not an alcoholic like, but I have just realised that when I do drink I am going to have to very much limit myself or things are only gonna get worse!

Even filling yourself with food when you get older doesn’t have the same effect. When you are younger, a pizza before you went out and a kebab on the way home would sort of cushion the bingey blow of 47 orange WKD’s and several shitty shots off that bird who ‘wanted a piece of me lad’, but nowadays it just makes it even harder for me to lift my slobbery swollen head off the pillow that literally becomes glued to your eye. ‘Line your stomach’. Every single one of us have had that said to us by our own, or someone elses parents.

When your pissed, you will literally eat anything. Like when else would you ever just go to a take away and order a massive kebab, chips, and layer it in the most unhealthy sauce possible? You just point at some meat and say ‘that’ plus, chips, and everything else. I don’t think I have ever even been the chippy, never mind a kebab house, unless alcohol has been involved somewhere down the line. But doesn’t it feel good? Yeah it does, it feels like it’s the first thing you have ever eaten. But you spend the next six days tasting it when you burp, and then it knocks you sick.

As for the hangover munchies, just where do we start.

You’ll literally try anything, anything at all to make that feeling go away. A personal highlight for me is eggs, and a massive glass of icy lemonade, obviously not together. Eggs bring me comfort and I automatically feel more mentally stable once I have consumed them. Scrambled, poached or fried, I am not that bothered just as long as I eat them. Other people crave sausages, bacon or just anything greasy, as they bid to emerge from the hungover haze that engulfs them. It is a struggle, and I know people who can’t move out of bed for days after going on the lash, but many of us share that feeling of wanting to be satisfied by food the next day – craving something just to cure the pain – and we don’t stop until we have tried everything possible. Some take medication, some can get on with things after a swig of water or luco, but my typical hangover salvation menu would probably begin with eggs, move on to something spicy later on (hot and sour soup is a favourite), possibly a curry or a mcdonalds – although a KFC beats Maccys in my opinion, controversial I know, and then this will probably be finished off by some crisp, dips or maybe a bit of cheese, as my body wonders just what the fuck is going on in my head.

As for drinks copious amounts of water or fizzy drinks are the most popular option, and as the day goes on I sometimes end up opening a beer just to see if that helps, but that decision can either make or break you! One thing that I have noticed too is that I never ever crave a cup of tea, or even contemplate having one when hungover. Weird isn’t it, I am a lad who drinks several cups of tea per day but cannot stomach it at all after being on the ale, someone explain please!

As you age, the hangovers last longer too. So come Tuesday or Wednesday morning after a Saturday session, you are still feeling the pace. It’s hard work and all that you can do is crack open the Cranberry juice, stay loyal to the water and focus on the recovery that literally lasts all week. The ale sweats and that horrible feeling in your skin do tend to linger for longer the older you get, and basically you are a bit of a mess for the days that follow a drinking session.

And then, all of a sudden, finally you rise from the darkness, you enter a new found spirit and feeling of healthyness, there is a spring in your step and that hungover feeling seems a distant memory. It is Friday again.

Pub lunch anyone?

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